she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This is the high leading the old right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
