You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
