Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this will be a night to untag.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
