About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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