so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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