these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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