i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
