So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Small penises have feelings too.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
