big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize