Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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