It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
