OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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