Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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