for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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