dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
