Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
