i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i believe in u and ur pee
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
