Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
