great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
