I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
