Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
