When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
