I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
