How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
