brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
