Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
