My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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