If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize