I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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