Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
