Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
