My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
