I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize