My friends, they love my intelligence
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
