Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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