Im at strip club and am horny
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
