Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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