she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
