sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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