White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize
