It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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