now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize