I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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