She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
