More tranny stories later!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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