she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
