Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
