apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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