well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
