But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
