fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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