to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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