she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
