eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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