Tell her she can't have a vagina
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
