i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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