I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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