You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
