It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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