Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
