Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
