Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
