Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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