so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
