this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize